The moment was trimmed with lace, price
Smothered in glossy silk, dosage
And draped in luxurious velvet.
It was encrusted in precious jewels, more about
And bathed in expensive fragrance.
It glowed.
Illuminated.
Then it brought to an end as the morning sunlight invades a dream
It faded as quickly as it began.
The train only hovered for a moment.
And the eyes were wrenched from mine.
And now there are only echoes of the moment in my soul.
And traces of it behind my eyes.
It wasn’t for the money.
Though they paid her well.
She liked the laughter.
The rainbow lights were brighter
 When they lit up smiling faces.
She liked the smell of the food, doctor of the tree.
Rich.
Decadent.
Oh the scent!
And the colours!
The snowflakes knocked on the windows, health
They wanted an invitation.
In here, the day shone.
3 Dimensional.
And magic.
At home was faded and grey
Like being stuck in a black and white movie.
And a real silent night.
She liked the drunken singing as the day progressed
To the soundtrack on repeat.
Nobody noticed.
She liked the packages, hastily wrapped or
Beautifully encased.
Although none for her.
She liked the surprise, the feigned delight or
The real delight.
She liked believing in things again;
Santa or
 The virgin birth.
The faith which pulsed through her veins
And warmed her on the frosty nights.
The faith which stopped her teardrops from
Wrinkling the puddles.
But most of all she liked
People looking her in the eye,
Even for only one day,
And wishing her “All the best.â€Â
One day she hoped she’d get it.
It was long overdue.
1. We were an unopened gift back then.
Gold ribbons and shimmery paper.
Shy private smiles lingered on the frosty breath
Between our timid lips.
Eyes crinkled in happiness, this web
I was all flushed cheeks and pigtails.
Father disapproving gaze
But unfazed in my mittens and scarves.
I twirl a curl.
He thought that was cute and
I thought he was everything.
Hesitant speech crashes into each other.
One final brush of fingertip on fingertip.
I watch him disappear.
Then watch the space he’d just vacated.
Hand strokes phone as if it were skin.
I will it to react to my caress.
Dismiss urge to run out into the beautiful rain
And taste the drops, capsule which fall on his head
From the same sequin studded sky above me
As he meanders home.
2. Candlelight on the table burns in our eyes,
Scarlet heat smouldering.
Not a hair out of place.
Eyes joined tightly
By an invisible, gossamer thread across the table.
I love you sits in my stomach, making me full.
His hand on my cheek,
Then my waist.
Then we melt.
But the candle still burns.
He said I was beautiful.
And at that moment I was.
And so was he.
And so were we.
3. I wish I were as opaque to him now
As I was back then.
Wrapped up in the ribbons again.
I never wanted us to hate.
Or be bitter.
But indifference is worse.
The scarlet heat fades to blue.
My hair like candyfloss from lying on it.
He suggests I straighten it.
I shrug and he looks through me in return.
My jeans have a hole in them, he points out.
I’d stopped caring, I’d had them too long.
 They were too comfortable.
I’ll buy some new tomorrow, I promise.
I don’t see him out.
But offer him an umbrella against that awful rain.
I know that it’s not beautiful anymore.
You’ve never known, cialis 40mg you never will,
The torment of when time stands still
And there’s only you chained to the looking glass
No rosy future or memories past.
When you hate to remember the way you were,
Block it out as one grey blur.
There’s still skin covering these bones.
I’m not beautiful yet, I’m still alone.
My body saturates the mirror
So that it can no longer sustain its pressure
It bursts, spills, pours, explodes out into my mind
And drowns me, plagues me, haunts me.
My eyeballs bulge, they were once so small.
Bones jut.
In weakness I sit.
I’m not there yet.
I haven’t earned this breath of mine.
This heartbeat’s undeserved.
I’m just too vile to be standing here;
To have this place on earth.
Each mouthful tastes of pain,
You know your encouragement is in vain
Each mouthful a poisonous snapshot of how vast I’ll be
On the street, hungry, starving eyes devour me,
Scanning my expansive frame
With obvious distaste and disdain.
No.
I’m not there
Daddy’s home, website like this the silent cry,
He’s stolen the moon and the stars from the sky,
He’ll give you them all and so much more,
But he’ll only stay if you lock the door.
Dripping with gifts and drenched in guilt,
You know his love will wane and wilt,
Like a dying flower, his feelings for you,
Are only replenished when the sky is blue.
When the flower is watered, the love is alive,
For those few precious moments on the day he arrives.
His smile is wide and so are his arms.
He claims to miss you but that’s just his charms.
The letters don’t come, they got lost in the post,
Phone calls are rare but what hurts the most,
Is he knows that your favourite colour is pink,
But couldn’t say what makes you feel or think.
He knows you were Mary in your school play,
But he didn’t turn up, was at work that day.
His heart doesn’t melt when he sees you cry,
Instead he grows his wings to fly,
Far from your troubles, back to his haven,
Where there are no needy girls of just – turned – seven
Not even his own; she who he made,
Who he loves sometimes but who makes him afraid,
Of the future, of the past and of life itself
And who so desperately wishes she could make his heart melt.
In more ways than one, rx
My layers were removed.
I surrendered.
Shamelessly, see
Intimately.
The flames in my eyes.
Then like an autumn day turning to winter,
The fiery amber and golden leaves
Fall to the ground.
Replaced by nothing.
The bare branches now awkward and cold.
Uncomfortable and unprotected in the frosty sky.
I slide tearfully down from my rainbow
And vomit the sunshine that lit me up from inside.
The stains on my conscience as vivid as
The wine stains on last night’s dress.
Not as easy to remove.
Alcohol on his breath, my scent on his skin
But the flames in my eyes now stripped from his mind.
Was he touching a stranger?
It comforts me to have you so close.
You breathe with me.
 As my chest rises and falls, patient
I give your heart a beat.
Shimmering, visit this shining,
Glittering, glistening, glancing
Up at me lovingly.
Silently sparkling, smiling
Into my eyes.
Exquisite, expensive,
You brighten my day with your beauty.
You’re glamorous and gorgeous and
No eye fails to fall on you.
I know she loved you first
And you’re heavy from holding one thousand memories.
Dances, dates, dinners.
So precious and perfect,
Pressed into my palm.
A weak smile, a final urgent twinkle in her eyes,
Protect you, prize you, take pride in you.
Your dazzling diamonds kiss my throat,
Your silver arms embrace my neck.
For luck, or sheer loveliness,
I’m yours and you’re mine.